To Write or Not to Write
This past week has been awful.
Well awful in the sense that I haven’t been quite up to snuff. It doesn’t help that I’m having personal issues, but they have apparently affected my semi-professional one.
I’ve already spoken on distractions and procrastinating as a freelancer, especially considering that you work primarily out of your house (unless of course you don’t and you sit at a coffee shop all day); the same four walls, sights, and sounds can really bring you down.
Now here’s my kicker –
With only one week left in the month, I really should be buckling down and trying to make some money. Bills don’t pay themselves, you know, but this last week, I only had one day of actual effort. Well…one day of actual professional effort.
So what was I doing when I should have been writing?
I was writing.
Say what, Gina?
Confused? Yeah, me too.
See, last week was the aftermath of a big misunderstanding between a friend and I and – according to another friend – we’re both too stubborn to admit fault in this. So of course, the nasty little voice in my head started in on me and not only last weekend, but the majority of the week was a complete bust when it came to getting any articles done. Which of course sent me into a panic, as – insert sarcastic laugh – I do need that article pay to you know, make sure I don’t get thrown out of that new apartment I’ve been raving about.
So last week, I was professional unproductive.
However, I seemed to be creatively productive.
Again, you might remember that I happen to indulge myself in fan fiction. Say what you will about it – copyrights, intellectual property, blah blah – for me and many other fan fic writers, this keeps us writing or manages to boost our writings to the point that we become actual writers. Heck, there have been cases of fan fic writers who became writers for the fandom they were writing in. Look at Star Trek.
And speaking of Star Trek and fan fiction, last year while I was living without cable, I discovered not only the joys of YouTube, but that of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Now I had been a fan of the show when it first premiered and, like any show I haven’t seen in a while, I suddenly had the feeling that I wanted to watch it again. Especially when syndication moved the show around and I completely missed a season and a half.
Random point – I seem to do that a lot. That is, get really into a show, and then suddenly it gets a new time slot or it moves to days where I can’t watch it and suddenly, I’m a whole season behind. The same thing happened with Deep Space 9 and the 2003 version of TMNT.
And as I am sometimes compelled to do, the ideas came and were persistent until I said, “fine, damn it! I’ll write it.”
So yes readers – while I managed to not get actual work done, I did manage to work on a fan fic. Which of course caused me to go, “What the f***?”
I am well aware of the current responsibilities that I have and of course am aware of what needs to be done in order to get those things done and yet…even yesterday when I ran hours behind and had a to do list (the same list, of course, from last week), I still ended up working on this TNG fic of mine.
That makes me go, “why?” Knowing what needs to be done, I’m writing fan fic?! Worse, I’m reading fan fic; actually, it’s much worse because I am re-reading fan fic. Does this mean I am completely lazy and don’t really care about the situation I’m going to land in?
Or…is it that I am so overwhelmed by my own depressing thoughts, as well as outside influences, that I headed for the first thing that brought an escape? After all, isn’t that what writing has always been about, for me, that is? An escape from the pressures that were going on around me? To be fair, I often let those pressures get the best of me, to the point where the dreams of being a big time author became little more than a side project or a hobby that would probably not go anywhere further than the accolades of the fan community.
So maybe this is my creativity’s revenge? It certainly isn’t unheard of for my mind to be fixated on something to the point of distraction. It took will power not to start writing Harry Potter fan fiction and don’t get me started on my sudden obsession with the song, “Good Mornin'” from Singing in the Rain. Perhaps my little creative writer has gotten tired of taking a backseat to the ‘professional’ writer who just works on articles all day (or tries to).
While helpful to some degree, it did of course offline me, which means I now have to pound out articles without fail for a while. See? See what you’ve done?
Aw, I can’t stay mad at you. Skies fall, buildings quake, and the Earth opens up when you rebel. Otherwise known as writer’s block. Guess what the next blog is about, kiddies. Stay tuned!